One if those sayings about your twenties is that you use ‘em to figure out some of what you want out of this lousy world and all the people on it.

And recently I guess I got one step farther in that because I realized: closeness. With a sizable dose of solitude, sure, but I want to feel close to someone.

And it’s so weird to admit this to myself. I’ve always preferred to be alone. But I get a taste of what it’s like to really fork over a part of myself to someone and in that moment I feel like a black and white portrait that someone just remembered to color in. I don’t like that simile but I ain’t changing it.

I rarely felt lonely because I always assumed loneliness was about love. But it’s not. And it turns out I’ve been lonely for a very long time.