March 2012
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February 2012
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People who hearted my Jean Dujardin post:
13 women and Richard.
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How I feel when I stay an extra hour at work to...
“WOOHOO! EIGHT MORE DOLLARS FOR ME TO SPEND ON QUESTIONABLE COCAINE AND ILL-ADVISED PROSTITUTES! YEAH!”
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So, was anything on TV tonight while I was at...
During a horrible and chaotic day, I walk into the...
Pizza Hut Girl: I don't want to go back out there. I want my break to be forever.
Team Lead Guy: I knoooow. So many people want to buuuy thiiings.
PHG: They all need to go home. All of them.
TLG: Starbucks still crowded?
Me: It's a shit show.
PHG: Let's all just leave.
TLG: Yeah. Let's all take our coats and just walk out of here.
Me: You think they'll miss us?
PHG: We'll find people who look just like us on the way out.
TLG: I can hire them to do our jobs. No one will know the difference.
Me: Wait, how serious are you guys?
PHG: ...
TLG: ...
Me: ...
TLG: Like, surprisingly serious.
Shh she's the worst
Her peepee is small
Megret is the best
SHEAOTHERFUCKER CLOSE
MY TABS
ON MY FIREFOXES
AND LISTENED TO AFI LIKE SOME KIND OF BITCH SHIT ASS FUCKER
THIS PARTY ISW ERID
seriously you guys she is so old
Shh, don't tell Krista
but for her birthday I got her a bag of my own poop Krista I know you’re reading this
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Seems like everybody's got a birthday in February
The new name for May is National Condom Shortage Month, Just Pull Out, It’ll Probably Be Fine
I take my breaks at the worst times.
Maury Povich and Two and a Half Men.
Olivia's romantic scenes intermixed with serial...
have got me confused and alternating between saying “Get it, girl!” and “oh god please don’t get it girl.”
I hate my dreams.
I was working at Starbucks with one of my coworkers. All the lights were off. A customer made me recite the steps and ingredients for every single drink. We were allowed to have a radio behind the counter for the first time. I could take a nap on my lunch break. I was also Coolio.
“No one could blame American women here if they all suddenly decided to leave the...”
– John Oliver on American contraception debates, The Bugle 183 (via sixpencesoulcake)
Werk.
We found out the other day that the Tarbucks/Starget employees on the other side of town can accept tips. We are all very, very indignant. And displeased. And other words that mean something like that. But seriously, that sucks ninety dicks.
The company that comes in and health-inspects us (basically swabbing and measuring and checking every inch of everything) have been “on their...
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I AM ALIVE
I ATE SOME CHEESEBURGERS AND NOW FEEL BETTER.
I LIKE SYMPTOMS THAT CAN BE CURED WITH CHEESEBURGERS.
DEREK: IT’S NEVER LUPUS. IDIOT.
I think this means I'm defective.
I’m shopping in Target like a normal person with coupons and a discount, and I start getting really hot and a little dizzy. Happens sometimes lately, whatever. And I get to the checkout line and I notice my hands are shaking. Never happened before in a situation where I wasn’t nervous. Then it’s in my shoulders and my whole upper body and I can’t even hold onto anything....
This Season, on The Bachelor
Krista: Apparently, there is a guy who hangs around the Red Line... carrying a mop with bits of colored cloth tied to it... who humps unsuspecting people on the train.
Me: IS HE SINGLE?
Krista: ONE CAN ONLY DREEEEAM.
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“I will kill myself, AND THEN YOU!”
– Jenna Maroney
My favorite thing about 30 Rock is that it’s been on for six seasons and there are still half a dozen lines per episode that make me pause Hulu and just appreciate them.
I’m kind of drunk.
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