A Detailed Description of Events to Submit to the...
Went to Quincy, Illinois to get a recently recalled part from my 2002 Honda replaced, because apparently sometimes when the airbags go off, they riddle your body with shards of metal! Only took them 9 years to catch that one! Set my GPS from definitely not Taco Bell to drive “Home.” Drove for about twenty-five minutes, rocking out to the fifty mix CDs from high school I found. ...
It's probably for the best that I didn't have...
I spent my day cooking authentic red beans and rice, garlic and herbed french bread, and whipping up some delicious zucchini couscous, all while hunting down and destroying every single Oxford comma I have ever seen and laughing, oh ho, laughing so hard while it burns away into the Hellish oblivion where it belongs.
Louis CK explaining why farts are hilarious on The...
Highlight of my day. Okay, week.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-6-26) →
Billie Holiday (12) Lady Gaga (6) Better Than Ezra (4) The National (4) Radiohead (4) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
If you on it, you add me on it, yeah? Usertitleavatar: ktrj720 Also, what is even the deal with those 49 weekly “extra” points. I’m fine without eating them, but then they’re there, being all, eat me, I am the carrot cake you just made even though you ate like half a homemade breakfast pizza for dinner. Some of the Internet is all “you should eat them” but then...
Things I have never successfully made
Soup Eyes at someone Flare jeans look good Soup
Five full trash bags. Two recycling bins. Four tubs for this fall’s garage sale. I am getting rid of things. I am shaking off the excess. I’ve never really thought about myself as a collector until recently. I keep things because I’m afraid I won’t have any other way of remembering. There’s some truth to this fear - I’ve run across scraps of paper that have...
Diminished Capacity →
One of my all-time favorite visiting professors, Sherwood Kiraly, wrote and had a big part in making this film. It’s been difficult to get a hold of for a long time, but now it’s streaming on Netflix, and I’m giving it a recommendation. Not just because it was written by a mustachioed man I admire, but because it’s 90 quirky, fun, baseball-card-filled minutes. It...
Waitress: My kid's got bronchitis, so all he does is cough, take Benadryl and Tylenol, whine, sit around and nap.
My mom: That sounds familiar.
Me: IT'S A GOOD SCHEDULE OKAY.
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn...– Tina Fey, Bossypants (via copperoranges)
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-6-19) →
The Lonely Island (22) Brand New (5) Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s (5) Lady Gaga (4) KT Tunstall (4) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
That image from Reddit that's bopping around
with the blips of news stories about a man stealing $3 billion and getting a very short jail sentence, and a homeless man who returned all the money he intended to steal except for $100 who got 15 years in prison? Fun fact! The homeless guy story is from my hometown. So, if you do choose to get into a debate about this story, as over a thousand Redditors and many dozens of Tumblrers already...
Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible...– Amy Poehler (via ovariesbeforebrovaries)
Tumblr ate a post I spent 10 minutes writing about...
Hi, I'm Bronchitis, and apparently, I have Katie.
Age 16: Sweetest guy ever. Dumped him after 3 months. Age 18: Douchiest guy ever. Dumped him after 3 months. Please, contain yourselves, lest you be blown away by the sheer extravagance of the history of my love life.
Hey there, cough syrup with codeine.
Let’s go look at pictures of corgi puppies on the internet and then maybe we can break out of this place and see the stars and eat all the bagels
It says everything about my loyalties to places I’ve lived that I heavily judge you for not having visited Louisiana, but if I see you haven’t been to Iowa, I think, “Good for you. You have made good life choices thus far.”
My cough woke me up last night at 2 AM, 4 AM, 6 AM, 8 AM, 10 AM, 12 PM and, finally, 2:30 PM. So close, cough. So close. I have a feeling it’s going to try harder this time.
If your places-I've-visited-map-thing
shows that you have not been to Louisiana, my home state and one of the greatest places in the world, then understand that I am crossing my arms and frowning at you with my nose slightly turned up. Think British schoolmaster with a hokey Southern accent. On you go, then.
I have been coughing for about three days...
Throat tickles are the second-worst kind of tickles*. *Second to regular tickles.
Apple Technology Update
I just killed a huge fly that landed on my MacBook screen by smashing it with the back of my iPhone. You’re welcome, Steve Jobs.
Oh my God. The part of me that’s been a fan of his since I was fifteen is deeply sad. The rest of me is angry that, if the drunk driving story is true, a guy who had such a fun and exciting life died in such a stupid, disappointing way. If you can afford a Porsche, you can afford cab fare.
Fadda's Day Eats
My mom’s Mexican corn casserole, beer-marinated fajitas, fresh peach cobbler and homemade vanilla ice cream. Or: “Happy Father’s Day! I got you a night of shared family indigestion!”
Community s02e08, or: The Hardest I Have Laughed...
Britta: So if I took it, it's larceny, but if you find it under Mother Hen, it's a mistake?
Shirley: Mother Hen? I think we're about the same age.
Britta: Sure, unless time is linear.
Shirley: I'll make your ass linear.
Britta: That doesn't make any sense.
Shirley: I'll make your ass sense.
Can we all just discuss season two episode six of Community in which Donald Glover has his shirt off can we all just have a discussion
Don’t eat anything for a while.– OKAY DENTIST LADY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. IT HAS BEEN TWENTY MINUTES. CAN I EAT YET. HOW ABOUT NOW. HOW ABOUT NOW.
Dentistry: The Subtle Art of Denting
I went in for some fillings today. Two, on opposite sides of my mouth. I try and try to keep my teeth happy, but they hate me and cavetize themselves anyway. I get my revenge through making up words. I am kind of woozy and not making sense. Moving on. There’s a new dentist at the practice I go to. She’s just out of school. This was her first time doing fillings as a practicing...
It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and...– Conan O’Brien, from his commencement address to Dartmouth ’11. (Via dannisaur.)
Things I Remember Pondering as I Tried to Go to...
Could you make a modern-day Othello by replacing a hankerchief with dicktures? Why did we evolve to poop out of our butts? Donald Glover. How is one human being that attractive? What the hell’s the point of hair on the tops of our heads that continually grows, evolution? That shit just gets in the way when you’re out throwing spears at tigers and all that. You got some sort of in...
Got my transcript. Top 15% of my graduating class. Biiiiiiiiiiitch.
Honey-soy glazed salmon, edamame, asparagus frittata, fresh watermelon. (And, if we’re all really lucky, I might take a shower!) Taking the 45-minute trip to a bookstore tomorrow (oh, Iowa). Recommendations are more than welcome.