December 2011
TIME FOR A FINE DINNER OF HORSE MEAT
Everyone horrible all the time always.
If two people are working and you come over from another department just to sit around, and you see one person doing something wrong, don’t fucking make fun of that person to the other one who is working. Just tell them what they are doing wrong so they can fix it.
If you order something and drink half of it, you don’t get another drink free just because you didn’t like it.
...
November 2011
Thoughts Before Heading Off to Work
I don’t know if I’m actually allowed to drink coffee all day without paying for it. I get the feeling I’m not. But, you know, fuck it.
I think I have a legitimate lady homogay crush on one of the girls who takes out the trash for the store.
The person/people I work with are the entire difference between a sucky suck suck day and a less sucky day. Most of my coworkers are...
I usually have this conversation 5 times a shift....
Me: Here's your change.
Customer: (looks around) Don't you have a tip jar?
Me: No, we're not allowed to accept tips.
Customer: What? They do at other Starbucks.
Me: We're technically Target employees, so we can't accept tips.
Customer: That suuuuucks. (Alternate: "I work in retail/in food/at Starbucks and that suuuuuucks."/Alternate 2: "I wouldn't work here if I couldn't get tips!"/Alternate 3: They act insulted that I won't take their ten cents.)
Me: I know. Believe me. I know.
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It is Black Friday in one minute.
There are just so many reasons I do not want to go to work tomorrow.
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After a long day of rude customers and flirty...
what else can I do but come home and cook dinner while singing a song that is temporarily titled “You are a Cat and I am Not.”
American Dad, S07E04
Stan: You should think about settling down. Find a nice woman, get married, share your life with someone.
Principal Lewis: When you say "share my life," I hear "share my tequila," and I think, "No."
How the fuck can anyone afford to live in this...
I just got pulled over because I followed another car onto a side street to avoid getting into a wreck with the car in front of us. Apparently, it was illegal to turn left onto that side street from 7 AM to 7 PM. I can pay $120 or go to traffic school.
I can’t afford to pay $120 because I have a full-time minimum wage job that barely covers both rent and food. I don’t have time to go...
The nicest anyone's been to me in hours
Was the guy buying 50 tins of cat food.
Yes, I want to use my 10% discount on this .75...
Don’t give me that look, bitch.
A woman in a wheelchair said I had the heart of an...
Which is odd, since cashiering is hell.
“The question of goals has always nagged. But perhaps a way to look at Occupy is...”
– The Fault Lines of Occupy | TNC (via spratt)
Oh, awkward personal post, you're too adorable.
I am going on a date tonight. With a male human. I have not been on a date since I was 17. That’s 5 years.
I am remembering now why dates are not a hobby of mine: they make me more nervous than the SATs, ten job interviews, and the concept of adulthood, combined.
I am going to faint and then wake up covered in foul-smelling sweat and then sound like an idiot and he is going to hate my...
In time for Thanksgiving, I am thankful for:
Coworker: I rent a three-bedroom apartment a few blocks from here. $1150 a month. Got the whole thing to myself.
Me: Wow. That's a hundred less than we pay for a two-bedroom.
Coworker: Yeah, it's pretty nice. Something living in the walls, though.
Me: Something?
Coworker: Yeah. Can't tell if it's cockroaches or rats. Probably both.
Me: Oh.
Coworker: As long as I don't touch the walls it's fine, though.
Me: Neeeeeeat.
Thursday: Get off work at 10:30 PM. Get home at 11.
Friday: Get up at 6 AM. Get to work at 7.
If someone asks for a grande half-caf soy macchiato kid’s temp extra foam in a venti cup tomorrow and I strangle them, I strangle them right to death, don’t be surprised.
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Anonymous asked: do u work at starbucks?
Ceci n’est pas le trivia.
KATEFEETIE
lindstifa:
Spoiler alert: the toys are behind the couch.
NyQuil!
Quil of the Ny!
Bounding through the treetops!
The fuck where am I!
Operation: Call in Sick to Work During My Second...
Success!
You’re welcome for not decorating your latte with my continuously expelled phlegm today, Chicago.
Oh god
SEX DREAM ABOUT BILL CLINTON
JUST NOW
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Katie recommends: The Bad Apple on Lincoln Avenue
Seriously. Beer flights. Hundreds of beers from all over the world. Big beers. Tiny beers. Most importantly, they are all inexpensive beers.
And burgers. The most creative burger selection I’ve ever seen. Krista had the Edmund Figs-gerald. There was an Elvis’ Last Meal, made with bacon and peanut butter. They have creole fries and chipotle fries and truffle fries. I had the Big Texan....
“THERE’S SO MUCH ROOM FOR ACTIVITIES!”
– My response to upgrading from a 16-gig iPhone 3G to a 64-gig iPhone 4S.
Also: the only place near us that had the 4S in stock was a Target, so I got to use my TARGET EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT, BITCH.
I have lost my voice.
A mix of a beginning-of-winter cold (there are many types of colds, and I get every one of them) and spending eight hours a day half-yelling “What can I get for you?” and “Do you want whipped cream on your sugar-free half-caf soy caramel machiatto?” have taken my ability to speak from slightly rumbly (4 PM) to sexy Scarlett Johanssen (5 PM) to stage whisper (6 PM) to...
Another short text post
My mom is coming to stay with us tomorrow night. After I get off work, she is taking me to get a new iPhone. She said, “Consider this your Christmas present, just a bit early.” No more 3G for Katie. That train is leaving the slow-as-fuck station. I’m getting on the high-speed-rail of a battery that lasts for more than an hour. A train I can rotate without it crashing. This...
The best 5 bucks I've ever spent
is on this laser pointer for my cat to chase.
This is why you get a pet: to taunt it until it cracks.
Hipster Paradise
Krista and I went to a shadow puppet-based theatrical production tonight. There was a Metric/Cat Power-esque opening band. I was the only person there without short pants or dreadlocks or black-rimmed glasses. I need to remember to shave half my head or something for next itme.
Still, awesome show.
