The new season of Misfits has begun.
Me: Craig Parkinson is in the new episode? The ridiculously sexy probation officer? The reason I watched season two hundreds of billions of times?!
Krista: Yeah. He features quite prominently in the episode.
Me: I WANT HIM TO FEATURE QUITE PROMINENTLY IN MY PANTS.
Any trick-or-treaters who come to my apartment...
I bought a big bag of mini-Reese’s cups and Kit Kat bars three days ago and, as of last night, they have all been fully digested. I’m single-handedly preventing childhood diabetes!
yodelmachine asked: MORK
Can I order a block of cheese over the Internet
Beer #3: Light candles and turn on Christmas...
in order to up the romance factor of this evening alone with myself, watching Friends on the couch. I just whispered “you don’t know me” to my bottle of 312.
Beer #2: I start making a Christmas list and spend...
Also, “rent money” is a very short Christmas list.
copperoranges: haiku for the single girl
Peanut Butter Cup Banana Bread →
Making this for a Halloween party tonight. Krista and I are going as Eloise and Skipperdee. I will, of course, be the turtle. My costume is definitely not actually made for a large dog.
My symptoms point to "Drug dependence and abuse."
WebMD: Because You’re Not Sick, You’re Probably Just On Crack.
5 goods/5 bads
I am too lazy to figure out what this meme actually is. 5 goods: Krista and I finished our impossible 750-piece puzzle of the Chicago skyline. Funemployment! The new Hyperbole and a Half might be one of my favorite things ever. And an apt description of several years of my life. I think I’m done decorating the apartment. I helped out an old lady who was trying to buy a ticket at a...
I have to become a Weight Watchers meetings member (instead of just an online member) to be able to apply for a receptionist job with them. Over a week of being nervous about this interview and I didn’t even get to use any of my awesome interview-question answers.
Prizes we won after coming in first place at...
girl-detective: A Bottle of Wine 1 Litre of Grape Vodka 5 Leather Photo Wallets A Box of Golf Balls YOUR MOTHERFUCKING RESPECT
1. I am rocking trivia tonight. 2. I ran a 12-minute mile today.
I got the barista job!
My dad did not bother to hide his disappointment!
I’ve been making quite a handful of lovey-dovey-nonsense and all-text life-is-full-of-emotions posts on my Tumblr lately, and I hate to add another log to that fire, lest all of your eyes pop out of your heads from being over-rolled. But. (And maybe it’s because I feel ill and tired and anxious and lots of other feelings-y feelings at the moment. But.) I have crushes on all of you....
I went to my first step aerobics class at my new...
The ZZ Top song for me would go something like: “She’s got leeeegs, she doesn’t remember how to uuuuse theeemmmm.”
I have an interview tomorrow at Starbucks! My entrance into barista-dom!
I love this community →
designated: Today we hosted a baby shower. Internet baby. All the guests were “virtual.” The people that showed up have become my closest friends. I have been through weddings, births, deaths and nonsense with these people. I have seen them get their degrees, I have seen them in despair and in love. This is life and if you are fortunate enough to have friends that “play it straight,” then...
Get up. Get dressed. Put on makeup. Phew. That was exhausting. Eeeuuuuughhhhhhhhh blehhhhhh. Get back in bed.
Wino oversharing, or: Winoversharing
Got my car window replaced yesterday afternoon. Spent most of the day outside, waiting for the window guy or cleaning the crap out of my car or vacuuming up glass shards. Good thing it was a nice day out ahahaha of course it wasn’t, it’s late October in Chicago. Got a new GPS. It is wonderful and better than my old one. I mean, um, it’s horrible, so there’s no reason for...
You could come over to my place and sleep on my floor, and by...– Genius pick-up line Krista and I came up with last night.
The car glass replacement dude was an hour late.
So I wrote him a check with Piglet on it. I don’t know why I have checks with Piglet on them.
And they TOTALLY missed out on the $5 fuschia...
At least they didn't take my two separate bottles...
I get bored at stoplights. Also: Chicago, here is all of my money. All of it. Now, can we call this shit off for the rest of my time here? Thanks.
Chicago, please don't set stuff on fire at night.
I mean, I know that’s a general rule anyway, but now that I live across the street from a fire station I would especially appreciate if you confined your arson to my waking hours.
Katie's Crotch Road
claviusrobinsky: godsmokesparliaments: awkwardnames: well, that’s an unfortunate named street. Whenever I get to Katies Crotch I to am told to stop. Me too, oddly enough.
I put up curtains all by myself!
And now I’m taking them down and putting them up differently so whoever sits on my couch doesn’t have to wear a precautionary helmet at all times! By myself!
Our radiators sound like a cross between a rabid...
Krista, watching season two of Lost: I love how Sayid's just a little bit rotund.
Me: Mmmm. That tiny bit of chub is so manly.
Krista: Mr. Eko, too. Just a little extra on top of the muscles.
Me: It says, "Yeah, I'm tough, I killed some guys and ate their food."
Observational skills are my greatest strength.
Open credit card bill. Freak out at how high my payment is. Spend twenty minutes scouring the website, trying to figure out what happened. Look at bill again. It is my upstairs neighbor’s. Attach extremely apologetic (Canadian levels of apologetic) note about opening her mail. Slide it under her door. Begin breathing again.
Our crazy hat.
Me: A 100-year-old guy finished a marathon in Toronto.
Krista: UGH, CANADIANS.