January 2011
Knitler, ruler of the Knitsi Party.
That is now your shop name, Linds.
I claim I am a Southern gentlewoman but I have a...
MY LIFE IS COMPLICATED OKAY
3 tags
Plans.
This afternoon: Lie in bed, claiming an unbalance of my feminine vapors. Fan myself frequently and request gin.
Inform my gentlemen callers, Jeeves!
“You’ll miss having the knowledge that it will all eventually end. All of this...”
– “Things You’ll Miss About College” from Thought Catalog
Three different people asked me about my post-grad plans yesterday, which led to my explaining this last night, not quite so eloquently, to a wonderful friend who is a freshman. I believe my words were more like “There won’t be...
Power tools.
The thing about being in small shows is that you have, at least twice, studio load-ins and load-outs (putting together and tearing down seating riser platforms, railings, etc) at 1 PM on Sunday afternoons.
The thing about always having cast parties on Saturday nights is that you spend the next afternoon in a theater full of still-tipsy people with power tools and very large blocks of wood. For...
Things
My socks and face have been covered in beer tonight.
I was in a restaurant ordering toast at 3:30 AM.
I was in a crowded room yelling “I could fuck ALL Y’ALL.”
There is a hand-drawn SpongeBob on my hand.
I counted the number of dicks in the room (9) and approximated their standard deviation (1).
I sang the majority of “Bitches Ain’t Shit”
Jelly shots.
I...
Fly.
Boob duckers
I am a girl in an orange grove
Of fucks
On iguanas
Sausages
“Why did I just take 5 shots of creamer? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!”
Vrdrnk
Kissed a girl on mouth
So
Best have I even
Yeah?
Drunk
WHY DO I HAVE CLOTHES ON THIS IS LAME
WHOOPS
Talked about male prostitution, sea monkeys, whiskey, heroin, Dame Judy Dench, foreigners and masturbation in front of my mom during the shows tonight!
MY MOM IS COMING TO MY FIRST SHOW TONIGHT
QUICKLY, SOMEONE CLEAN UP MY SENSE OF HUMOR
“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely. Learn your way around...”
– Elizabeth Gilbert (via aimeenoodle)
I don’t think I’ve ever really been lonely. When I’m alone, I don’t wish I was around other people. I just think, Ah, finally. Let’s have a nap.
“Love is all you need? No, Beatles. You also need a person to do it with,...”
– Jez, Peep Show (via fatoprudentiamajor)
Attractive Men in Knitwear →
I have found my Elysian Fields. Goodbye, world.
2 tags
Whoops!
Accidentally just did Sexy Sex Thursday tonight!
“You look like a prime unitard in those pictures.”
– Krista
“Alas, slutty virgins have SUCH cognitive dissonance!”
– Things I find in my Psych notes.
Knitcrastination.
Procrastinawesome.
"oral collage"
Which Of These Ten Magical Items Would You Choose?... →
nickdouglas:
A pot that can produce 1,000 kilograms of any food a day. Why bother when online pizza delivery exists? What other food could a human possibly need?
A bracelet that keeps weather perfect wherever you go and within a 250 kilometre radius. Scotland would be unrecognizable.
A necklace that allows you to touch books and instantly absorb knowledge from them, without reading....
I'm listed in Tumblweeds under your mom.
What? She likes to be on top.
I'm in the school newspaper twice this week.
Once in an article about the improv shows, featuring a picture of me looking wiiiiiiide, and once in yet another article about Twitter.
The girl who wrote the Twitter article pretty much copy-pasted an entire Facebook message I sent her answering her questions (also: interviewing someone via Facebook message? Come on, Journalism 101 should have taught you to at least send an e-mail) and said my...
Single.
Me: My teeth hurt.
Me: Stop eating chocolate.
Me: Ow.
Me: Stop eating chocolate.
Me: Maybe I should stop eating chocolate.
Me: But I don't know what THAT one tastes like yet.
Me: Mmm, like plastic shards of strawberry!
Me: My teeth hurt.
Leaky face.
Half the campus is dying of flu, mono, bronchitis or some other plague-like affliction. My face has started to clog.
I swear, if I get sick before senior research experiments begin, I am punching all the babies. All of them. I lack the time and inclination for mortal illness.
On the other hand, the doctor at the student health center gives out Vicodin for, well, everything. He’s like...
2 tags
Every day, I feel a little bit more like Mark...
Jez: Christ, Mark, you really need to grow a pair.
Mark: Of testicles? You want me to grow a pair of testicles, so I'll have four testicles, and somehow that'll make me braver and better able to deal with stress, staggering around like a baboon with four balls hanging down?
Jez: Look, Gail's fucking you over because you're so bloody passive. You need to rip her a new one.
Mark: A new anus? So she'd have two anuses? And then in this mad, new world of yours, I'd presumably shove my four bollocks up her two anuses for some unknown reason.
If there is a higher power, they will listen to...
I would like to go out drinking without getting out of bed.
I’ll just be waiting over here.
are you kidding me
synecdoche:
when is zac efron going to get nominated for an oscar? this shit is ridiculous. i mean jesse eisenberg looks horrible shirtless and colin firth could never accurately portray “dude who plays catch with dead brother” and i am boycotting the oscars because THAT’LL SHOW ‘EM.
copperoranges:
eating lunch with college seniors is the most panic-inducing experience ever. all talk, no matter how we try to avoid it, leads to post-grad plans and bleak job prospects.
Yep.
