I'm on a pretty violent Law & Order spree.
Van Buren: When do I get to see my detectives on TV?
Bernard: Lupo didn't want to be on camera.
Lupo: I was having a bad beard day.
Van Buren: I wasn't going to say anything.
The Over-complicated Lady Brain strikes again.
I don’t know why I don’t look forward to going back to school next week. I’ll have a lovely apartment. A roommate I love. Liquor within a short walking distance. Finally letting myself take two 100-level classes in subjects I honestly enjoy (art and film - purdy pictures and purdy pictures). Tuesdays and Thursdays free. A research project that I find interesting. Time to really...
lindstifa: I wanted to tell you in person. Yes, you’re going to be a father. Congrats! OH MY GOD YOU GUYS!
I don’t care who gets me a slice of pie as long as it gets got.– Real thing I said out loud. Being raised in the South was pretty neat. EDIT: What can I say, I’m really happy my 900th post involved pie.
I'm going to live the rest of my life with half a...
because I’m going to cut the right side off because I keep biting the inside of my fucking cheek and then it swells more so I bite it more why do my teeth and cheek have to be so close together there is no God
Fat acceptance isn’t saying that fat bodies are better. Fat acceptance isn’t...– An Open Letter to James, Who Thinks “Curvy Girls Are Better Than Skinny Girls” (via ilovefat) “accepting bodies because they are bodies and they are attached to people with thoughts and feelings and it’s about self esteem and it’s about how everybody deserves respect, no matter what they...
This wine tastes exactly like when you brush your...
DRINKIN’ IT ANYWAY CAUSE WINE IS WINE!
Mom & I went to Iowa City today (I KNOW RIGHT CRAZY DAY OUT) and I went a’shoppin’ for clothes. As usual, the only thing I found were a few castoffs in the Old Navy clearance section, but that’s beside the point. You see, I’m more than a bit clumsy and absent-minded, especially when I shop. For some reason I do my best thinking when pawing through bargain racks....
A Guide to the Advantages of Having a Pharmacist...
Mom: I got you a big ol' bag o' drugs!
FOUND THE MOTHERFUCKIN PHONE.
In my defense, there is NO LOGICAL WAY that it could end up in the middle of the floor under the box sprin- OH SHIT LEPRECHAUNS.
WHATEVER. I FOUND AN EMPTY SOAP DISPENSER.
IT IS MY IPHONE NOW.
EVERYBODY COME TO MY HOUSE. HELP ME TURN OFF CAPS LOCK AND ALSO MAYBE LOOK FOR MY PHONE.
GUYS REALLY WHERE IS MY PHONE?
IT IS SOMEWHERE IN MY ROOM OR THE LIVING ROOM. I LOOKED IN THE COUCH AND BED NOOKS, CRANNIES, ETC. I HAVE FELT BITS OF MY HOUSE THAT FINGERS SHOULD NOT FEEL. THE RINGER IS OFF BECAUSE LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. I LOOKED IN MY BUTT ALREADY. I HAVEN’T PLAYED “ANGRY BIRDS” IN ALMOST TEN HOURS. I DESIRE GREATLY TO BECOME REUNITED WITH SENIORITA MARISKA HARGITAY.
WHERE IS MY PHONE?
While watching a Bones episode about a little...
Me: Thanks for letting me be a fat little girl.
Mom: You're welcome.
Me: And a fat little teenager. And a fat little adult.
Dad: You were a skinny little thing for a long time.
Me: But then the oatmeal cream pies won out.
Mom: You loved Little Debbie.
Me: Man, I really want an oatmeal cream pie now.
Dad: Me, too.
Situation Ripped Directly from my Nightmares (Of...
5-hour nap in my contacts. Wake up. Dry eyes. An hour later, rub my eye. Contact lens is gone. Spend half an hour searching my angry eye for the contact. Both parents and a flashlight involved. Find the tiniest visible edge of it far, far in the corner. Spend half an hour dragging that motherfucker out with my finger while my soul dies. There are three things in this world that I cannot...
everythinginthesky: The EPICWIN app (a todo-list-meets-RPG iPhone app) is out.
Tonight: Chicken soup, chocolate pudding, a few hours of TV, some research success, long hot milk bath like a pasty Cleopatra, Hydrocodone, lavender candles, relaxing music, Strawberry Chocolate tea at just the right temperature, cracked back on beloved foam roller, warm bedsheets, Tumblr, a good book, and sleep. Dammit, I’d still rather be in Chicago.
The reason I have hearted, and will continue to...
It is not out of love, it is out of raging jealousy. Just go ahead and picture me, grunting furiously out of the giant, bloated, useless bottom half of my face, hearting your posts so hard that my laptop cries. Stop laughing. And yeah, okay, it’s a little out of love. Jerks.