I think I have diabetes.
This is what happens when I have WebMD and too much time on my hands. And when I have diabetes. But mostly the time thing.
I am totally on board with promoting the rumor...
(via morrowplanet) “Getting my wisdom teeth out” is code for “buying plane tickets to an anonymous location in eastern Europe”, and “going to your dad’s birthday party” is code for “buying ninja outfits for our new careers”. SHHHHHH.
Hello, New Followers.
I assume that the sudden increase in followers is due to my being an Older Person now. I would welcome you all individually, but I have to go put on my suit and drive my sensible car to a meeting about products and such. I should consider writing more Tumblr posts sober hahahakidding.
Best. Birthday. Present. To. Self. Ever.
I configured a wireless network all by myself! *jumps into sky and freezes there* Shut up, I know you’re all nerds who can do this with their eyes closed on an iceberg while being attacked by rabid weasels, but I’m staying in a place where the inhabitants usually dare not venture beyond the mysteries of their Ethernet cord. SO YEAH GUESS I’M CHANGING MY MAJOR TO COMPUTER...
luckyshirt asked: Happy birthday, Jesus.
Casey: Can we go now?
Me: Not yet. I'm busy receiving birthday wishes.
Casey: I left a "happy birthday" on your Facebook.
Me: Just now?
Casey: I waited until you left the room.
Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini,...
ohyeahfacts: (via) Me, Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and Napoleon Bonaparte all share a common fear of LaToya Jackson.
can i haz ur numba?
Usually, a good numbing agent is benzocaine. I’m afraid I don’t have any with me, though. Go ahead. Ask me a question. But not about science.
I found you on google on accident and decided to...
I think the real question here is why you were Googling “the greatest person who has ever lived in the history of ever” in the first place. Go ahead. Ask me a question. But not about science.
That picture looks like you bit your tooth and you...
It’s impossible to bite your own tooth while it is still connected to your mouth, because “biting” implies two opposing rows of teeth clamping down. Unless what you’re saying is that one of my teeth fell out and I kept it to chew on for funsies, and while doing so, I took my profile picture. Which is obviously true. Screw gum. I chew on a tooth. Also, using that many...
I'm really glad Psych is back.
Henry: Have you ever heard of "persona non grata"?
Sean: Why are we talking about food?