I hate the treadmill, so I regularly try to beat...
Favorite workout/running songs. Go. (Aren’t you annoyed when you have to figure out a reason to put a question mark?)
I have a second roommate who is not gone away now.
Her: I wish I could mentally compartmentalize my music history courses and my feminism courses.
Her: It's just tough sometimes reading about what these great men accomplished while women around them were told what they couldn't do.
Me: Don't bother trying to read it. Women can't learn anyway.
Her: Good point.
Here, have a nerdy joke.
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short. The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long. The...
My roommate is leaving on Friday. Here is another...
Me: I think I could eat a live bear right now.
Her: Good luck with that. How do you think it'll go?
Me: Probably pretty well. Kinda depends on its mood, I guess.
Her: Well, do what you want. You have the right to bear arms, you know.
Me: Yes, but do I have the right to the rest of it?
What did liberals do that was so offensive to the Republican Party? I’ll tell...– Matthew Santos, The West Wing 7.07 truffle-shuffle / twothirty / spinlighted (via fujiidom) (via notnadia) (via rozf) (via bliccy)
I am too lazy to make a fun macro for this.
Step 1: Spend the first two days of Spring Break perfecting a resume and cover letter for an internship. Step 2: Submit it. Step 3: Notice a grammatical error. Step 4: Die.
Some jocks talking as I passed in the hall.
Dude 1: Hey dude, can I jump on your back and ride you up the stairs?
Dude 2: No homo.
Dude 1 jumps on Dude 2.
Dude 2: Ahh! Dude! I didn't say yes!
Dude 1: You said no homo!
Dude 2: That don't mean yes!
Her: What should I wear to my recital?
Me: Prom dress.
Me: Honestly, I don't think either of those are viable choices.
Her: Honestly, I don't listen to anything you say anymore.
Me: Sorry, what was that?
Her: Shut up.
Me: We're friends, aren't we?
Talk to me, baby. →
samhey: jasonpermenter: Happy Birthday, Bailey! Turns out it’s Bailey’s (@baileygenine) birthday today. Sam (@samhey) and I thought it might be nice if we gathered up a bunch of people to make her a group video card, with this little fill-in-the-blank script as the only direction: “Hi Bailey! I think that you are [adjective]. For your birthday, I got you a(n) [adverb adjective noun]. Have...
Our first and final play performance was tonight.
It went really, really, really, really, really, really well. Then I bought a mango and lost it five minutes later. I lost. A whole mango. Which is why I should never have children.