January 2011
OH SHIT
Y2K.
WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.
In The Year 2011
sarahcolangelo:
Your parents will know that you are a hipster.
Bacon flavored food will no longer be a novelty.
We will be better.
What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? - Ella...
Twenty-ten
I’ve been writing this in my head all day, against my own will. All of the lookin’-back-on-the-year posts I’ve read have been so goddamn good that I just had to throw my scrap metal on the heap of gold. There may have been substantial drinking part of the way through the writing of this. I won’t say it was by me. It was, though.
I have a really awful long-term memory, and...
“GUN STORES! LOCAL!”
– what my drunk dad, sitting next to me, just yelled into the Google Voice app.
New Year’s Eve, y’all!
2 Mai Tais, 4 beers, 1 scourge upon society
Mom: You realize you're in a strange city driving your drunk parents to a hotel?
Me: My life is in shambles.
December 2010
Hello from somewhere near St. Louis!
Where I’m roundin’ up bitches for NYE (or perhaps sitting alone in a Border’s with a latte tapping away at my iPhone like a smug anus.)
Twenty-ten
I’ve been writing this in my head all day, against my own will. All of the lookin’-back-on-the-year posts I’ve read have been so goddamn good that I just had to throw my scrap metal on the heap of gold. There may have been substantial drinking part of the way through the writing of this. I won’t say it was by me. It was, though.
I have a really awful long-term memory, and...
If a single one of you suggests Uma Thurman,
I will slice you with a spoon handle.
Celebrity who should play me in a film adaptation...
Jesus.
All I've eaten today are 3 types of sandwich.
Since I woke up at 4 PM.
LIVING THE DREAM.
“A man without a mustache is like a cup of tea without sugar.”
– English proverb.
Submitted by glistensweet (via fuckyeahmoustaches)
2 tags
“People who live in glass houses should masturbate in the basement.”
– Dara O’Briain (via yakmascara)
Things I'd like to see less of in 2011, part 2
inthefade:
Entitled 20somethings who think they don’t have to work their way up or make as much of an effort as everyone else because mommy and daddy told them they’re special little snowflakes who will have everything handed to them on the basis of their winning personalities and charming quirks.
Fun Fact: I go to a college with over a thousand of these. I am, of course, the exception,...
“I am phenomenally stupid. Stupid in every conceivable way except one: I’m dimly...”
– Charlie Brooker (via youandiandthee) (via fuckyeahcharliebrooker)
This is exactly the way my mind works.
“Now, speaking on behalf of all heterosexual males for a moment, no man worth his...”
– Charlie Brooker, Dawn of the Dumb (via fuckyeahcharliebrooker)
“Dad: You could poop your pants in the yankee candle store and no one would know.”
– WHEN PARENTS TEXT: Yankee Candle
“As you might imagine, given my inability to relate to the rest of the human race...”
– Charlie Brooker, Dawn of the Dumb (via spatchcock)
“People who live in glass houses should masturbate in the basement.”
– Dara O’Briain (via yakmascara)
“I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a...”
– Jimmy Carr (via ohgordonbennet)
Mind, body, hormones, soul.
Mind: “I should start making dinner.”
Body: “I need a nap, hard. Watch out, soft, oblong, human-sized pieces of furniture, I’m gonna get on you.”
Hormones: “I’m 7 months away from being 22 years old. That’s almost 30! Why hasn’t my Prince Unicorn found me by now? Oh god no one will ever love me.”
Soul: “There’s gotta be...
“To see just how much destruction this week had done to my body, I had weighed...”
– My Week of Eating Nothing But Candy
“A man without a mustache is like a cup of tea without sugar.”
– English proverb.
Submitted by glistensweet (via fuckyeahmoustaches)
“All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle, and...”
– Ann Elk’s theory on Brontosauruses. Her theory, which is hers, belongs to her. (via marleymarley)
She’s also a very pretty lady.
